still fidgeting...
I'm done reading twilight and new moon now. It's been horrible, by the way I also read the draft of midnight sun from SM's homepage, I detest reading on the computer!!!
I didn't quite get the same feeling for these two books, mainly because they weren't books at all... I also felt they didn't display as much emotion as eclipse, but then again, in new moon Bella don't display much of anything =)
So, about a week after I started reading it the first time, I've begun eclipse again... Only because there were so many things I missed in the beginning that I wanna clear out. I can also see that I did Edward injustice, but then again I was aware of that the first time too. I'm still in love with Jacob thou, don't ever doubt that. But I got to admit, he got some competition from Seth, just 'cause he was so brave in the fight against Victoria =)
However, eclipse will NOT be read on the computer (wohoo!) since I have it as a book. Therefor I'll probably finish it in the same time it's took me to read the two before it, even tough it's twice the size. I mean, come on, how can it take me 8 hours to read a 300 page book? Or pdf as the case is here, I'll have to re-read them as soon as the books comes home, just so I can get the feeling right.
I enjoyed the draft for midnight sun enormously. Very surprisingly I might add, since I spent the first half of eclipse thinking ha was an enormous, controlling a*hole. I had hard feelings even after he started behaving himself. So I was genuinely surprised to see that I actually started to like Edward after reading this and I really enjoyed to get a better view and understanding of his family.
I was really sad to read that it might not be finished, ever =( I hope it will, and of course I will keep an eye in the web page to see if it does.
For some reason I'm crying again *deep sigh*
And I'm starting to believe it's the books after all, since when I counted I realized that because of them I slept in 5-6 nights what you should sleep in 2... Like I've said before, shouldn't spend the night reading when you have a early morning the day after =) Friday was utterly hopeless, anyone starting crying over decoration candles in the supermarket gotten be at least half mental... I think my eyes filled up over 40 times that afternoon, god thing I quit work early on Fridays =)
I wish I lived in the US when I read on the homepage about all the events around the books. Then again, probably not worth it moving so far away just 'cause of some books I'm supposedly to old to read. Young adults I believe they're classified as, well at least better than here where they go as children/youth books. I stopped reading in that section of the library when I was 11...
The author still has me awestruck with the way her writing plays on my emotions and brain-sensors. It's very hard for me to accept that someone who has no idea that I exist can affect me so much. I start to realize it's probably 'cause I felt a lot like Bella when I was younger, but I had no Alice, Jacob, Edward or Angela to pick up the pieces. I fell apart, loosing myself for not just months but for several years. The only reason I did not kill myself then was that I could not find a way definitive enough. If I was going to do it, I had to be sure there would be no saving me. I knew it would kill my mother do see me have taken my life, and I would not want to wake up and see the disappointment in her eyes. But when my depressions strike hard not even I wanna be around me, so I can absolutely understand that all those I thought of as friends left.
*just to point out, I'm crying my eyes out thinking and writing about this*
I had no idea that after 9 years it could still hurt so much. That it still going on. But instead of letting my friends see me depressed now, I prefer to avoid them until it passes. Since I'm social in periods, they are use to me ignoring them from time to time. My busy training schedule doesn't work in the favor of having a social life either =)
I just had a revelation about why these books touch me so badly.
Why they make me feel so utterly lonely and empty. i have a few girlfriends and of course my husband to be, but the last one is the only who really knows my soul. I fear so much to let anyone in, it hurt to much that time so long ago to be left by all those who meant something to me. So I rather seem to let people know me shallowly, never letting them see my pain. Understand the confusion of my colleges at work when I broke down crying on the phone with the doctors office in the beginning of this summer.
Hmmm... I think this will have to be enough for now.
Don't have tears left to think more about this.
My only hope is that after finaly finishing breaking dawn the spell will be broken and I'll be able to function normaly. Because if this is a product of my hormones (which I am afraid it is) then it's going to keep reeking havoc on my mental state for quite some time to come, and I don't think I'm up for that...
I didn't quite get the same feeling for these two books, mainly because they weren't books at all... I also felt they didn't display as much emotion as eclipse, but then again, in new moon Bella don't display much of anything =)
So, about a week after I started reading it the first time, I've begun eclipse again... Only because there were so many things I missed in the beginning that I wanna clear out. I can also see that I did Edward injustice, but then again I was aware of that the first time too. I'm still in love with Jacob thou, don't ever doubt that. But I got to admit, he got some competition from Seth, just 'cause he was so brave in the fight against Victoria =)
However, eclipse will NOT be read on the computer (wohoo!) since I have it as a book. Therefor I'll probably finish it in the same time it's took me to read the two before it, even tough it's twice the size. I mean, come on, how can it take me 8 hours to read a 300 page book? Or pdf as the case is here, I'll have to re-read them as soon as the books comes home, just so I can get the feeling right.
I enjoyed the draft for midnight sun enormously. Very surprisingly I might add, since I spent the first half of eclipse thinking ha was an enormous, controlling a*hole. I had hard feelings even after he started behaving himself. So I was genuinely surprised to see that I actually started to like Edward after reading this and I really enjoyed to get a better view and understanding of his family.
I was really sad to read that it might not be finished, ever =( I hope it will, and of course I will keep an eye in the web page to see if it does.
For some reason I'm crying again *deep sigh*
And I'm starting to believe it's the books after all, since when I counted I realized that because of them I slept in 5-6 nights what you should sleep in 2... Like I've said before, shouldn't spend the night reading when you have a early morning the day after =) Friday was utterly hopeless, anyone starting crying over decoration candles in the supermarket gotten be at least half mental... I think my eyes filled up over 40 times that afternoon, god thing I quit work early on Fridays =)
I wish I lived in the US when I read on the homepage about all the events around the books. Then again, probably not worth it moving so far away just 'cause of some books I'm supposedly to old to read. Young adults I believe they're classified as, well at least better than here where they go as children/youth books. I stopped reading in that section of the library when I was 11...
The author still has me awestruck with the way her writing plays on my emotions and brain-sensors. It's very hard for me to accept that someone who has no idea that I exist can affect me so much. I start to realize it's probably 'cause I felt a lot like Bella when I was younger, but I had no Alice, Jacob, Edward or Angela to pick up the pieces. I fell apart, loosing myself for not just months but for several years. The only reason I did not kill myself then was that I could not find a way definitive enough. If I was going to do it, I had to be sure there would be no saving me. I knew it would kill my mother do see me have taken my life, and I would not want to wake up and see the disappointment in her eyes. But when my depressions strike hard not even I wanna be around me, so I can absolutely understand that all those I thought of as friends left.
*just to point out, I'm crying my eyes out thinking and writing about this*
I had no idea that after 9 years it could still hurt so much. That it still going on. But instead of letting my friends see me depressed now, I prefer to avoid them until it passes. Since I'm social in periods, they are use to me ignoring them from time to time. My busy training schedule doesn't work in the favor of having a social life either =)
I just had a revelation about why these books touch me so badly.
Why they make me feel so utterly lonely and empty. i have a few girlfriends and of course my husband to be, but the last one is the only who really knows my soul. I fear so much to let anyone in, it hurt to much that time so long ago to be left by all those who meant something to me. So I rather seem to let people know me shallowly, never letting them see my pain. Understand the confusion of my colleges at work when I broke down crying on the phone with the doctors office in the beginning of this summer.
Hmmm... I think this will have to be enough for now.
Don't have tears left to think more about this.
My only hope is that after finaly finishing breaking dawn the spell will be broken and I'll be able to function normaly. Because if this is a product of my hormones (which I am afraid it is) then it's going to keep reeking havoc on my mental state for quite some time to come, and I don't think I'm up for that...
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